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May 10th, 2011

Teenage Witch, Into Adult Witch

    The Idea to change my blog from "Confessions of a Teenage Witch" to, "Confessions of a Good Witch"
came not only with my twentieth birthday, but with my overall transition into adult hood. Anyone who says they don't notice a change from nineteen to twenty is either exceedingly dull of overall unaware of the general way of their life. A lot has happened in the last several months, and even more so over the last year. I feel like a completely different person now. I wouldn't even know where to begin to tell you the changes that I have gone through, both emotionally, and spiritually. I think my first part is to tell you that, I'm in love and starting a family. Big step...I know. But its what we both wanted. I feel sometimes that I may not be ready for it...but I'm sure thats typical.
  
      I met this man, due entirely to my Brother. At the time, him and my brother both worked at a local arcade/amusement park and my brother had been hanging out a lot with him. So eventually, since me and my brother are relatively very close and share the same circle of friends he introduced the two of us. His name is Lex. Like most of my other relationships, I started out helping him get through some personal things, and because of this we inevitably became very close. It was only a matter of a weeks before it became obvious that we had something. It took both of us a lot of courage to take a leap and fall to faith. This finally led to us becoming a couple. As a couple, we got to know each other more and this continued for a while. This is the part that gets kind of upsetting to me. About two months into our relationship, he decided he wanted to pull back. I was crushed. Due to his personal past, and the things that I thought I was helping him with I thought we were getting someplace good. He continues to assure me that this was not my doing, and he really just needed time to this day. But as a girl...especially a young girl who has heard "I just need my space" or, "I just need time" more times than she can count, I wasn't to thrilled. We continued as close friends for about a month. 

      Over the course of the month however, we had several disagreements, and to the point where because of his past, I was ready to give up and just let it go, as I have had to do many times before. Fortunately it was also his past that was partially responsible for helping us get through what we needed to. Figuring it was for the best, I went away for a while. I love our sleepy little town to go find what it is we both needed to. 

      When I left, It was time I made a choice. I either went back to my train wreck of a life or I stayed where I was and just started again. It was really a decision between running away, or actually facing a problem. I'll be the first to tell you that I was running away. When I left it wasn't to give us our space, or to help solve our differences. I was running away. I died my hair, went cloths shopping, packed my belongings and left our town with the intention of not coming back. While away, I took to the point of actually enjoying myself and trying to find out who I was again.

       While I was away, I kept asking him "Do you want me to come back" and all he kept saying is "Its your decision". Which... by the way, was not what I wanted to hear. So, eventually, I got upset at him, and flat out told him "I don't think you understand that if you don't do anything, I'm staying here." After a long message, he finally came out and told me he wanted me to come home. Within three days I was on my way back into his arms. He told me that he loved me for the first time, and we've been together ever since. 

     As it stands now, we've got to dogs, and are looking for a place to settle down. In about a week, we're getting handfasted, Its not much but its a start. Sometimes, both of us have issues we have to work through, but overall Im very happy now.

    As for the rest of my life, its gotten much simpler, in some respects. I'm still a practicing witch, but now I have a full coven to practice with. They're all really great people, and Its something I really enjoy being a part of. Because of them, I have became very close to several other women whom all very quickly became just as family to me.